On April 28, 2019 I went away on a 24-hr prayer retreat. All by myself. No husband, no kid, no friend. Just me. I had never done anything like it. But I had also never been in a place like I was. It was nothing tragic. Just a losing battle.
Ever love something, even something you might be real good at, but want to give up? Quit? Not “feel” it anymore?
Did you know I was a Pastor’s wife my whole marriage? Yep. Twenty years. Did you know I’m not anymore? I mean, I am still a wife, and to the same husband. He is just no longer a Pastor. This is a “pivot” that had nothing to do with 2020. Our ending happened in 2019.
Monday I woke up feeling like, well, uh, a Monday. Not sure if the high from my Holiday weekend made Monday feel like a bigger dip—but it was all the dreaded things of Monday. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I preferred to pull the covers over my head.
Sometimes her post stops my scroll. I see her whimsical picture paired with the depth of her content amazed by the beautiful brand she’s built. Sometimes I see her on a stage. She communicates with such authority and engages everyone in the crowd. Sometimes I’m reading her book. She is making such a difference with each word perfectly painting a point that is impacting the hearts of so many around the world.
There is a narrative that plays in my head thats says I am only loved for what I do. You want to be close to me because of what I provide for you—but you don’t really love me for me. You just want what I can do for you.
“Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.” James 4:2(b)NIV There was a time in my life where James 4:2-3 made me mad.
It was an hour drive up the pacific coast highway. This is my city, these are my people, this is where I live. The ocean to my left, great coffee shops, cute boutiques and the finest restaurants to my right. But as I neared the turn into the Ritz Carlton at Laguna Niguel I began to tell myself the story. I pulled into the valet with my 2016 Toyota Rav 4
The greatest gift God ever gave me was something different. Different than I expected. Different than what I had known. Different than what I planned for. Different than what I saw other moms hold.
A couple years ago I was traveling for work and in another state. I received a direct message on Instagram from someone I did not personally know.
