Stop Comparing Yourself To Her: How to Get Out of The Comparison Trap

It was an hour drive up the pacific coast highway. This is my city, these are my people, this is where I live. The ocean to my left, great coffee shops, cute boutiques and the finest restaurants to my right. But as I neared the turn into the Ritz Carlton at Laguna Niguel I began to tell myself the story. I pulled into the valet with my 2016 Toyota Rav 4. As the kind gentleman asked me if I was checking in, I immediately heard “you don’t belong here.” Confidently I replied, “yes thank you and would you mind grabbing my bags please?” But I’ll take this one, my small little crossbody Louis Vuitton. I knew the crowd I was about to immerse in so I was smart enough to have some item that would communicate I could fit in here, too. As I waited in the short line at the check in desk, I sized up the girl in front of me from head to toe. I identified every designer she wore from head to toe totaling thousands of dollars and that was just the shoes and bag she carried her small puppy in. It’s fine, I’m fine. But, I’m headed straight to my room. I entered a lovely ocean view room with a plush king sized bed covered in luxurious white linens. It was the bathroom that made me feel like royalty. And so I stopped, straight in the mirror and did the natural thing. I took a selfie. The moments preceding this pic I felt like an imposter. You know, the experience of feeling like a phony—you feel as though at any moment you are going to be found out as a fraud—like you don’t belong where you are. But as I stared square into the mirror standing on marble floors suited for a queen I remembered, “Oh ya. That’s me. The daughter of the KING.”

I belong here. Because I have decided.

I decided to follow Jesus. I decided to build God’s Kingdom. I decided to build a business. I decided I can do both. I decided to own my worth. I decided to let go of doubt. I decided to use gifts to create. I decided to serve mankind. I decided to live uncomfortable. I decided to increase my faith. I decided to walk in rooms that I was not qualified to be in. What have you decided? That moment right there is key. The decision. It will force you into new and uncomfortable things. It’s the transition from known to unknown, normal to new, from status quo to elevation, maintenance to growth. I got this to I can’t do this—right, but HE can. When you make this decision it’s a transition. And the transition is never easy, it keeps the wrestle inside because you roll into the “RITZ” and you aren’t top dog there. That feeling that comes up in you can work for your good if you lean into what’s happening for you in this moment. If you listen to Jesus and do what He says. If you decide. And when you decide opposition will come in and short credit you and your dream. You will feel like an imposter. But, you are NOT. You’re like me—a child of God created to do good works that He has prepared in advance for you. So kill off all other options and keep deciding to follow Him.

Listen—You are worthy of connection of love and dreams fulfilled because of who YOU are and who created you. YOU are the value. You are significant. There is no one size fits all of who and what matters. When we as women demand some prototype of what matters and who is good or right, how big how small how loud how soft how fast or slow—when we compare ourselves to the mythical “her”—it is a detriment to the community of women. We are all wired on purpose for purpose. Mega is not greater value, modest is not less. What’s your design? What’s your preference? Whats your dream, your personality?—it’s time you stop comparing yourself to her– feeling like an impostor and take your RIGHTFUL place.

“So that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God.” Colossians 1:10

Comparison is a worthiness issue. It’s a trap of the enemy of your soul. It causes you to doubt, diminish and deny the goodness of God in YOU. You were created in the image of Christ Jesus, the image of the king. You are set apart. You’re chosen. You’re royalty! But you start acting like some kind of pauper because you fell into the trap of comparison and rivalry and it made you forget who you ARE.

So what do you desire? What is in your heart to do. Because the moment you decided to follow Jesus you became an heir to everything He owns. Your desire is placed by Him.

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desire of your heart.

We lose sight of this truth when we are off looking at someone else and we lose sight of me and Him and the truth that our desires are from Him. But He is God, He’s not like us. And He doesn’t lose sight of us. He always shows up.

“One of the biggest battles you’ll have to face every single day of your life is the battle to stay focused on what you’ve been called to do, and not get distracted by what anyone else is doing. It takes great humility and strength to stay in your lane.” Christine Caine

Decide. Focus. Stay humbled and then receive His grace. His supernatural ability to do through you and for you what you cannot do for yourself. You have nothing to prove. Only something to give. So grab your bag, put on your shoes, hop in your car and lets go to the Ritz.

Join me and a sisterhood of women who are determined to live this truth in community here.