The day I took my eight-pound baby girl home from the hospital, I knew God had clearly led me to let her life—one that was “different,” “non-typical,” “special,” diagnosed with Down Syndrome—SHINE in this world. The real world. Not the world that is set apart or secluded for the “other.” No. She was to be included, so that the real world could see that we are all created in the likeness of Christ. She is more alike than different. That was (and is) the path for Addison Grace.

The highlight reel. The wins. The success and achievements. That’s what I want to share. I like when life is looking up and things are going my way. Not today.

I have a precocious nine-year-old daughter. She is smart, witty, independent and fiercely competitive at martial arts. I can brag, because I can’t take much credit for any of the above. Piper is the youngest of four. The space between each kid only being about eighteen months to two years. By the time baby girl came along I was hip deep and there wasn’t much parenting Piper.

Some days are less than ideal. These are the days that I have to remind myself that life is not happening to me, but for me. I understand that there is no world as it “should” be. It just is. Disappointment creeps in. Sadness fills my heart. I hoped that certain things would turn out different. But that’s just THIS day. Less than ideal. Some seasons and instances are just out of our control. But those are meant to be brief. I’ve learned not to run, escape my tears or stuff my uninvited emotions. I want to. But when I avoid the feeling, I delay my healing. Sad is not invited into my life. Sometimes she is just there. But she doesn’t get to stay. I DECIDE. This is not a fake it until you make it word for you. I no longer believe I can simply pull myself up by my bootstraps.

As my fingers click these keys to type, I wince—knowing these might not be the words I should sharing. You might be surprised, disappointed or appalled. You might think less of me, be offended or even hurt. But I don’t mean it. Not like that anyway. And the very words I’m about to type might be one of the greatest victories of the story I’m about to tell.

My name is Jen Jones, and I’m a business leader. There. I said it. Reading those words may not be a big deal to you, but for me, this season has been a process of following to lead. Following the voice of God into unknown territories. Leading into new adventures, and no net to catch me except for His. It’s been a journey of overcoming doubt by believing anyway, and then embracing God’s truth in my life.

There is something about a New Year that offers NEW hope. NEW year, NEW feels, NEW chances, BIG dreams, fresh starts. So each year, Marcus and I set our annual intention with a NEW word. Just one. This decision has consistently become a fulfilled purpose by year’s end. And 2018 was no different.

I tore down Christmas. A decision to do earlier than I typically do. It was all because of one decision. See, I have a large, open floor plan living space. All of the walls are white. Except one. The largest one. It’s green. Lime green. I loved it when we moved in. Now, two years later, I’m ready for a change. Since we would have to tear down Christmas (and we all know the clean up that is), why not paint? I decided to re-paint the green wall. That was the decision that led to an early Christmas tear down.